Hallucinations

I have not really mentioned hallucinations much before in the same way one never normally mentions the sky – it is just always there, a constant. It is also difficult to tell reality from fiction – at least it is around here.

The voices I hear speak random phrases, rhymes and insults. “How do you do? Hullabaloo. I spit at you. You’re a shoe.” I have on at least one occasion cut/injured myself as a direct result of their commands. The two male voices have named themselves Protein McLean and Fatty Friedness. The voices often talk about me to each other; they argue amongst themselves; they sometimes start up describing what I happen to be doing; and also they talk to me. Command hallucinations are so very compelling. I often wish for some peace.

I do experience some visual, and tactile (touch) hallucinations as well, though not as much as auditory ones. For me, olfactory (hallucinations of smell) and gustatory (taste) are fairly rare.

Right now, I can hear one voice saying: “You’re a pitfall, you’re a pothole, a potluck feather duck. You’ll never amount to anything...” To me, it is just another day.

I can’t help but feel blind-sided – I have trouble with reality. I try not to think. Anxiety makes the voices worse; the voices make the anxiety worse. I have little to say for myself much of the time. I have trouble with reality and I fear I might not outlive the night. “Hopscotch top notch bare essentials.”