Once more, depression has settled on me. Depression is rotten. It is daylight outside but I cannot see any way forward. There is pain where my heart is – a great weight in the chest: it is a collapse of heart. I spend a lot of time sleeping to forget the day. The terrible sadness overwhelms. I sit and sob.
I can’t concentrate. I can’t think of anything other than death, dying, the ending of things. I move as if underwater. My heart is turned to lead. I find it hard to care about anything.
Often there is a rush of inexplicable panic which clutches me about the throat. An awful sense of dread accompanies me that I can neither shift nor explain. Someone’s crying, Lord. The tears drop down.
1 comments:
"collapse of heart" - yes, exactly. And everything one uses to stop that collapse is like a sharp skewer bracing the walls of one's heart.
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